Domestic Violence
- What is domestic violence?
Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior where one intimate partner or spouse exerts power and control over the other. Domestic violence can include physical violence, coercion, threats, intimidation, isolation, and emotional, sexual or economic abuse. Perpetrators of abuse may use the children to manipulate the victims: by harming the children directly; by threatening to harm or abduct the children; by using visitation as an occasion to harass or monitor victims; or by fighting protracted custody battles to punish victims. Perpetrators often invent complex rules about what victims or the children can or cannot do, and force victims to abide by these frequently changing rules.
How do I know if my partner is abusive?
Ask yourself these questions:
Does your partner: - Embarrass or demean you with bad names and put-downs?
- Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
- Control what you do, who you see or talk to, or where you go?
- Stop you from seeing or talking to friends or family?
- Act jealously, by doing things such as calling you repeatedly at work or home to check up on you, or accuse you of having an affair?
- Take your money, make you ask for money or refuse to give you money?
- Tell you that you are a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?
- Act like the abuse is no big deal, it's your fault or even deny doing it?
- Destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?
- Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons?
- Force you to have sex, make you do things during sex that make you feel uncomfortable, or demand sex when you are sick, tired, or sleeping?
- Shove you, slap you or hit you?
- Force you to drop charges?
- Threaten to commit suicide?
- Threaten to kill you?
- What should I do?
Everyone must answer that question for themselves. You know your partner better than anyone else and his/her capacity for violence. Regardless of whether you decide to leave or stay, reach out to someone and tell them what is going on whether it is a shelter, your doctor, a minister, a neighbor. Remember that no one deserves to be abused or intimidated. Domestic violence is not your fault and it is not your responsibility to make your partner change his/her behavior.